His Plan is Better Than Mine
In my high school years something tragic happened in our family that shook me to my core. I was mad at God for a long time and decided I didn't need him. So I blocked him out of everything and I decided that I was going to be the one to take control of my life on my own.
This decision led me on a very dark path in life. When I was 17 I developed an eating disorder-this was part of the control I wanted. I could control what I put in or took out of my body. I would still go to church every Sunday but I would do everything in my power to block everything the preacher was saying. After high school I decided not to go to college, and I knew in my heart that this was NOT Gods will. I knew he had a special plan for me, but I did it anyway.
I struggled for years with anxiety, depression and anorexia, I was on a path that led me to my darkest days. At 20 years old I found myself as a single mother to a beautiful little girl named Gabrielle. I remember sitting next to her crib just numb. I was at my lowest weight and my darkest place and I thought to myself, she deserves so much more than me. At that moment I gave my life back to God. I wanted to become a Godly mother just like mine was. So I gave myself back to Him and got my life back on the right path.
I met my husband Jeremy shortly after I accepted Christ. He was everything God wanted me to have and accepted my daughter as his own. We have been married now for 15 years and have 3 children altogether.
But the pull for me to go back to college was strong so I did what He told me and in 2016 I graduated from McNeese State University. I just knew He wanted me to be a teacher in special education but for some reason I ended up teaching second grade at my dream school, and I was totally fine with that.
“I was so mad at God I was numb...again.”
I was living my dream as I decorated my classroom and started my first month of teaching. A few weeks go by and I get called to the office and was told our numbers were low so they had to cut my class. Me being the new girl I was the first one cut. I was so mad at God I was numb...again. I didn't understand God’s plan but I was not happy about it.
So I packed up my newly decorated room and I was thrown into one of my deepest depressions I have ever been in. I did not think I was going to ever come out of it, until I did.
Shortly after I had lost my job I got an offer to teach Special Education at another school in another town. To make a long story short, God knew what he was doing all along. I have been teaching Special Education for 4 years now. I have had so much JOY in this job and God knew that I would. My plan was not just about "ME" and I needed to learn that. These kids needed me and I needed them.